


By Hook or By Crook

by merlins_sister



Category: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Mystery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-01 03:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlins_sister/pseuds/merlins_sister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A serial killer is loose on Atlantis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kate shivered slightly as she took in the scene around her. 

"Sorry to have to drag you here for a look, Doc," said Colonel Sheppard walking quietly up next to her. "I know you're busy enough with a lot of freaked out people at the moment."

Kate wrapped her arms around her as she replied, "It's okay, Colonel. I said I would do anything I could to help, and this is better than just studying the photos."

She sensed rather than saw his nod of agreement, her attention still taken by the drawings on the wall. They were so simple... so childlike... yet there was something about them that just chilled her beyond belief.

"So, do you think it's significant?" the Colonel asked from his position next to her. 

"The fact we've found the room, or the nature of the drawings?" Kate asked.

"Both... either... " he replied, his frustration at the ongoing situation obvious in his voice.

"Everything that's happened so far has been very methodical, so I would say the fact we've found this room probably isn't luck," she replied carefully, turning around to look at more of the pictures. "The fact that the pictures look like they could have been drawn by a child... well, that's not so clear. It may be a significant insight into what's going through their minds."

"Or?" prompted Sheppard.

"Or it could just mean they are really bad at drawing," Kate replied with a slight smile, reassured when the Colonel let out a snort of laughter that her humour wasn't misplaced. She sobered herself slightly and continued, "I'd like to spend some time here looking at the pictures, recording them. As I said, it might be nothing, but they may help me understand him a bit more."

"You still think it's a man?" Sheppard asked, turning to look at her.

"Well, the statistics would bear that out, plus the fact that two of the victims were Marines," Kate replied carefully. "Even here I'm not sure there are many women who could manage to do what was done to them. Plus, and I know it's not scientific, there's just a feeling to the killings."

"You don't have to justify gut instinct to me, Doc," Sheppard replied quietly. "If that's where it's taking you, I'd listen to it."

Kate nodded but added, "I do need to remind you, Colonel, that I'm not an expert in forensic psychology. I may be missing things."

Sheppard shook his head. "You still know the people here well, better than the experts on their way. With the city shut down, we know it has to be someone on the base. That puts you in a good place to make the links."

Kate smiled softly. "I'll certainly do my best."

"All we can ask," Sheppard replied with a slight smile of his own, before his attention was taken by a message on his headset. "I've got to head back to the Gateroom," he said after a moment's listening. "I'll leave Cadman with you. Let me know if you need anything."

Kate nodded and started to get ready to record some of the images in front of her, trying to ignore the trickle of fear down her back at the Colonel's instructions to the Lieutenant to stay close to her. The fact that the last two victims had been Marines investigating the first two killings was not lost on her. A moment later Cadman appeared by her side. Kate glanced at the young officer, who was scanning some of the pictures in front of her. As Cadman's eyes fell on a particularly brutal one she let out a soft, "Jesus... "

"That's not the worse one," Kate said quietly, indicating with her head a scene a little further up.

Cadman was almost open mouthed as she took in the scene. "How they hell did this guy pass the psych evaluation?" she asked, before seeming to remember who was standing next to her. "Not that it's important..."

Kate waved her embarrassment away. "It's a good question, Laura. Something that I'm sure will be looked into once it's all over." Despite the lightness in her tone, Kate felt a familiar tightness in her stomach. A serial killer in Atlantis. If they couldn't prove it was alien influence, as was so desperately hoped, it meant something had been missed. A fatal flaw. 

Kate hoped to God it hadn't been her.


	2. Chapter 2

John walked quickly back to the Gateroom from the eastern part of the city. The latest find in their investigation did nothing to settle his unease, or reassure him that they would soon have the situation back under control. Four bodies already, only half of the city's population with secure alibis, and no sign of an alien influence. He and the senior staff, such as it was at the moment, had ideas of who it might be, but so far nothing had panned out. All of which meant that the whole of the city was in some kind of emotional suspended animation, waiting for the next body to show up. As for him, he was more worried about when the quiet control gave way to out and out paranoia amongst the inhabitants. He would suddenly not only be dealing with a murder investigation but panic amongst the populace as well. 

He wished Teyla and Ronon were here.

Elizabeth had been right to shut the city down after the second body turned up, but it did mean some of the people he trusted the most were off world. Not what you needed when you didn't know if your neighbour at lunch was a mild mannered scientist or a raging psychopath. Or possibly both. Still, you didn't see many people loiter for too long even in areas like the mess at the moment. You would think that there would be a sense of safety in numbers. But the slow atmosphere of mistrust was building, and people seemed to choose to lock themselves away rather than risk not knowing who they were truly in the company of.

John jogged down the stairs into the control area, finding Elizabeth waiting for him at the bottom. Her face was tight, and the darkness under her eyes told him of the worry she felt over the situation. Life sucking aliens were one thing. A murderous colleague another. Fear that they would strike again would be compounded by the doubts she had missed something in a recommendation somewhere. That somehow she was responsible for the actions of a madman. John wished he could say he didn't understand.

Elizabeth nodded in greeting before walking beside him towards the conference room.

"They've beamed down already?" John asked as he kept pace with her.

"Eager to get stuck in," she replied, her tone enough to tell him what she thought of their new arrivals. 

As if he didn't have enough problems.

The doors closed easily after them as they entered the room. Two men in conservative black suits stood with their backs to them, their attention taken by the screen in front. The third man was more casually dressed, but he still ignored them, seemingly absorbed in whatever was on his laptop screen. John was used to dealing with arrogance. He'd known McKay for long enough. But there was something about the way these men seemed oblivious to him, and, more importantly, Elizabeth that told him a great deal. He decided he didn't like them at all.

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said calmly, any irritation she was feeling obviously firmly under control. As the men turned to look at her she continued, "May I introduce Colonel Sheppard? Colonel, this is Agent Hernandez and Agent Fielding." The two men in black suits gave subtle nods of acknowledgement. Elizabeth turned slightly to face the man at the laptop. "And this is Dr Larsson, the criminal psychologist."

Dr Larsson did not look up but merely commented, "The profile that your Dr Heightmeyer has created is not bad, considering her amateur status."

John's irritation and dislike of the man went up a few more notches. "Dr Heightmeyer is the best psychologist around," John responded as calmly as he could.

Larsson looked up at him, paused as if to consider his statement, before continuing, "I'm sure she is an excellent therapist, Colonel. But criminal profiling is a complex process, and something she has had only minimal training in. It is more of an art than a science, something you have to develop a feeling for."

If the Doctor kept on like this, John thought, Larsson would be developing a feeling for his fist. Not that it would do much good apart from make him feel better. He took a deep breath to control his temper, switched on his most charming smile and took a seat. Elizabeth followed suit, sitting opposite him at the table. 

"We have reviewed your investigations so far," started Agent Hernandez. "They seem thorough, though of course we would like to see the evidence first hand to ensure everything has been covered."

"We are used to dealing with a number of different situations," Elizabeth said in her most diplomatic tone.

"Yes, you are," agreed Hernandez. "Threatened invasion, medical and physical emergencies. But not cold calculated murder. There is a difference."

John suppressed a snort of disagreement. He hadn't seen the need for any 'support' to come from Earth when the murders had started. Investigating was investigating. But Elizabeth had not been able to hide the situation from the powers that be, and they had been most insistent that they needed some expert input. An outside viewpoint could be useful, John had conceded. But he knew that they would be able to deal with what was happening, in their own way. They always did.

John watched as Elizabeth looked down at the table in front of her, sensing the self-control. A moment's breath before she replied, "We will arrange for you to visit the scenes of crime and to view the bodies."

"We understand there has been new discovery?" Fielding asked, moving to take a seat next to Larsson.

"We've found a room in the eastern part of the city covered in drawings," John explained at a nod from Elizabeth. "There were certain items in there that seem to link with the murders... personal objects taken from the victims."

"Such as?" asked Larsson. 

"A family photo, a book, several items of clothing."

John waited for a comment from the psychologist, but he merely returned to his laptop. John stared to the ceiling for a moment to control his irritation, instead trying to focus on Elizabeth organising the practicalities with Fielding and Hernandez. He stood up as Elizabeth started to lead the agents to their first meeting with Carson and the victims' remains.

"Colonel Sheppard, could you remain, please?" Larsson asked as John started to follow them. His heart sunk.

"Of course, Doc. What can I do for you?" John asked in what he hoped would pass for charming.

"I would like to go through the members of your command without solid alibis," Larsson explained. "As that group is the most likely to contain the murderer... "

"Why?" John asked abruptly.

Larsson turned to look at John in surprise. "I would have thought that was obvious."

"I've been in this place long enough to know nothing is ever that obvious."

"You believe one of your botanists, say, is more capable of committing the crimes than your command?"

John shifted slightly as his anger subsided again, and the logic of the psychologists’s assumption, their own assumption, took hold. He took a breath. "I'm just saying that although it seems more logical that one of the trained soldiers on this base has the skills, it doesn't necessarily mean that one of them is the killer."

"True," Larsson replied with a nod of the head, "And do not feel that I will not be helping the agents to explore the other groups as well. But there is a greater chance of finding the killer in a group that has the skills, knowledge and, quite frankly, the psychology to kill than the others."

John felt the truth of the doctor's words press down on him as he sank into a seat. He rubbed his eyes as he prayed the same thing he had since the beginning. 

Please don't let it be one of my own.

**


	3. Chapter 3

"Rooodneey... Roodney... "

In another time and place Cadman's attempts to get McKay's attention inside his lab would have been entertaining, and more fuel for what Kate was sure would be a breakthrough thesis on gender relations. At the moment though it was small distraction from the disturbing images recorded on her camera and burned into her mind. Still, she knew the two of them well enough to know that they needed their version of normality to cope with everything that was going on, and who was she to deny them that?

"Roooooodnnnneeeey... " Cadman said her volume going up to what Kate was sure was now not possible to ignore in the lab. Kate was right.

"What?!" Rodney snapped as his lab door flew open.

Laura looked at him innocently. "Why have you got your lab door locked?"

"Oh, I don't know," Rodney replied in his most sarcastic tone. "The fact there is a psychopathic killer running loose on Atlantis may have something to do with it."

Cadman shrugged. "We need to use your plasma screen," she said and pushed passed him.

"We?" Rodney asked as he partly turned to follow her, only then catching sight of Kate leaning against the wall. "Oh. Right. Sorry, Kate. Didn't see you there."

"Not a problem, Rodney," Kate replied as she stepped towards the door.

As he stepped back to let her in he asked, "Photos of the drawings?"

"Yes, I'd like to look at some of them enlarged," Kate replied, pulling the memory card from her camera. "Some of the details may reveal more information."

Rodney didn't comment, but moved quickly to his laptop, pulling up the pictures on the screen. Seeing the images enlarged from that on the walls Kate couldn't decide if it made them worse or less real. She walked towards the screen, coming up close, comparing neighbouring photos. There was something in them. She could feel it, and more than the fact the killer might be a bad artist. This was someone who wanted the people on Atlantis to know what was going on. The pictures meant something.

"What's with all the animals?" Rodney asked, coming up to one side of her. "And the blood?"

"That's what I'm here to try and work out," replied Kate, glancing at him with a small smile. Continuing more for herself than the others she said, "All the pictures are of animals who have been slaughtered... viciously in some cases, though not in all the same way. There are no human figures, and most of the animals are sheep and goats... " 

Kate felt something shift inside her. Sheep and goats. Why was that important?

When the answer didn't come immediately she continued, "The colours are consistent in all the pictures, though that may just be because those were the colours available. The only other consistent seems to be a black symbol... the slightly curved shape... "

She trailed off again. Sheep and goats. Where was the shepherd?

"Rodney, could you get a close up of some of the black symbols, put them next to each other?"

Rodney quickly brought up four images and set them up next to each other. Kate stepped forward and traced them with her finger, almost to confirm what her eyes were seeing.

"What is it?" Laura's voice was next to her.

"Shepherd crooks," Kate replied. "No shepherd, but always a crook... "

Rodney was ahead of her with the next step pulling up the drawings he'd taken the images from. The crooks were at random in the drawings, scattered to the edges, as if they'd been abandoned there. Kate felt her insides tighten.

"Why the crook and not the shepherd?" Laura asked, voicing Kate's own question.

"Because they've been abandoned," Kate replied softly. "The shepherd abandoned the animals and they ended up slaughtered, or sacrificed as a result."

Kate could tell from the heavy silence from her companions that they weren't far behind her in asking the next question. It was Laura who voiced it again. "Anyone else thinking it coincidental that our military commander is called Sheppard?"

"Of course, it's coincidence," snapped Rodney, though the lack of waspishness told Kate where his true thoughts lay.

There was another pause as Kate worked through her thoughts, half listening to the conversation behind her.

"I presume the Colonel has an alibi for all the murders... " Laura's voice was tentative.

"You can not be saying what I think you're saying!" Rodney's voice was indignant.

"What, Rodney? You don't think the Colonel has the smarts to do what's been done, or the skills?" Laura demanded. "With everything he's been through, who's to say what effect it could have had on him."

"You don't trust your commanding officer?"

"I'm not saying that... "

Kate decided to break in to the discussion. "The Colonel was off world at the time of the first killing," she reminded them. "The others are not copycat killings. This is one person."

"Of course," Rodney said. "I knew that. Just trying to make a point."

"As was I," replied Laura. Kate didn't need to turn around to know the look she was giving Rodney.

"This isn't someone telling us who it is," Kate said slowly. "This is someone giving us a clue as to why."

She turned to look at them as certainty coalesced inside her. "This is someone trying to tell us that at some point our shepherd, in name and role, abandoned someone. And they are *really* pissed about it."


	4. Chapter 4

John tried to ignore the tightening in his belly as Heightmeyer explained in that soft voice of hers the theory she had come up with. He fought to keep his body language relaxed, an effort that was not helped by the obvious sympathetic silence emanating from Rodney and Cadman. He didn’t sink to the seat as he wanted to at the news that four people may have been murdered because of something that he had done. He couldn’t. Not here. Not yet.

“Will this help you narrow down the suspects?” he asked.

The Doc opened her mouth as if to say something else, before replying, “It will certainly help with cross referencing. We now are looking for someone who not only may have given hints of disturbed behaviour, but we can also look at people who have been involved in missions with you, and who may have had a traumatic experience as a result.”

“Rodney, I think your name is about to come up,” Cadman quipped.

John decided to leap in before Rodney could get started on what he was sure would be a lengthy reply. “Doc, can you work with Cadman on doing that?”

“Of course,” Heightmeyer replied. There was a slight pause before she continued, “Do you want me to put this in an official report?”

John smiled slightly at her understanding of the political situation. “I’ll inform Weir, and she can make the call. I’d rather we kept moving whilst our visitors catch up on the situation. The longer we leave it, the more likely it is another body will turn up.”

Heightmeyer nodded her understanding before picking up her camera and heading out the door with Cadman. As the door slid closed behind them Rodney started, “It’s not...”

“Rodney,” John said quickly. “Don’t.” He took a deep breath. “Just don’t.”

“Well, it isn’t your fault,” Rodney insisted before falling silent. Rodney being silent told John more than any words the physicist could utter. 

“I’m going to talk to Elizabeth,” John said, fighting to keep the exhaustion from his voice. “Keep your door locked.”

“Why? I mean, I have been but some people have thought it a bit strange. Well, Cadman really...” Rodney’s voice trailed off. “Oh, right, I’m a member of your team.” He paused for a moment. “Teyla and Ronon’s mission to the Genii looks really fun about now.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” John replied.

Once outside he waited until he heard the slight bleep that reassured him that Rodney was safely behind locked doors, and, knowing Rodney, a locked door with some extra security features. He didn’t think whoever was doing this would try anything on Rodney, but considering what he’d just learnt from Heightmeyer, he couldn’t rule out the fact the killer was only just getting started and soon would start to target those he was close to.

He considered Heightmeyer’s theory as he started his journey back to the Gateroom. He had known as soon as she had explained it that it was true, and not just because he trusted her instincts. Or because of the way he felt responsible for the people of this city and all that happened here. It just felt right. The killings had been so calculated, so obviously planned out, that despite the seeming randomness of the victims he had known the killer was sending a message from body one. It had been one of the reasons he’d called on the Doc to help out, someone who could decipher the hidden meanings in another’s actions.

He hadn’t planned on it being a message for him though.

There were advantages to it being him, he tried to reassure himself, as he delved for any tactical advantage it could give him. At least he wouldn’t have to use a civilian as bait anytime soon if they went for that strategy. And he could work on a list of people who had been upset by him or a decision he’d made, though at the moment he thought the main candidates were off world amongst his human and alien enemies. He couldn’t think he’d done anything so drastic as to drive one their own to such acts.

You’re dealing with a psychopath, he reminded himself. But this did not stop the sadness washing through him at the thought of someone he considered his responsibility, a part of this family he had sworn to protect, hating him so much to have done what they had.

To have someone take away his sense of home so easily.

He shook himself a little to get rid of the sense of melancholy. This was the tiredness talking, nothing more, and nothing less. He was not responsible for any of this, he was not responsible for the actions of a madman.

But such thoughts didn’t stop the tightness in his chest increasing, and a sense of weight press on his shoulders as he went to tell Elizabeth that someone was killing people because of something her military commander had done. And that he had no idea how he was going to stop them.


	5. Chapter 5

“I’m hungry.”

Kate looked up from her screen and watched as Laura rummaged in her bag, obviously coming up empty.

“We should go to the mess hall,” Laura said.

“You go,” Kate replied. “I want to carry on looking at the reports.”

“You need to do more than mainline coffee,” Laura pointed out before smiling. “You’re worse than Rodney.”

“I’m fine,” Kate replied, looking back at her screen.

“You’re seriously stubborn for someone who is always on at us to take care of ourselves.”

Kate looked up, a wry smile on her face. “And under normal circumstances I would go. It’s just... I need to finish this today.”

“Okay,” Laura replied, understanding in her voice. “I’ll get some cover down here.”

Kate looked up again, a protest on the tip of her tongue, before remembering the sight of the last victim. She nodded her agreement, turning her eyes back to the screen in front of her again. The theory she had come up with had helped her narrow down her list of suspects, but there still seemed to be too many. How could she work through them any quicker? She didn’t want to be the reason that another person had been killed. 

She didn’t want this weighing on the Colonel any longer than it had to. 

It had been bad enough when he had been merely trying to find the person responsible. Now, if her theory held out, he was also dealing with the knowledge an act by him had led to this situation. Didn’t make him responsible, but she had seen the flash in his eyes as he had felt the impact of her idea. She knew he would be hurting inside, even if he never admitted it to anyone. 

As if he wasn’t dealing with enough already.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the Colonel and Dr Weir. Elizabeth came charging into the room, the Colonel behind her, his reluctance to be there obvious on his face.

Elizabeth started without preamble. “Are you sure about this?”

Kate glanced at Sheppard. He leant against the wall by the door, his body language emanating... something. She wasn’t completely sure. But it was quite obvious that he felt awkward about Elizabeth’s hopeful reluctance to accept her theory.

“I can not be completely certain, of course,” Kate replied, standing up from her desk. “But I feel the evidence supports the theory, yes.”

She glanced again at the Colonel. His eyes rested on Elizabeth’s back as she paced in front of Kate, his lips thin as he obviously kept his feelings about the situation under control. She wondered what had passed between them since she had last seen the Colonel a few hours ago. Or whether this had been an instinctive reaction to the theory as presented by Sheppard only minutes ago. 

“Dr Weir, it is just a theory, but it gives us something to work on,” Kate said after a moment’s hesitation as she decided the best way to handle the situation in front of her. Keeping her voice soft and calm she made a move to step in between the two exhausted people in front of her. “The agents from Earth have arrived, they can continue to explore other options, whilst we explore this lead. Perhaps you should return to supporting them, whilst the Colonel remains here and helps me explore possible suspects?”

Elizabeth looked between Kate and the Colonel, her anxiety at the situation obviously coming out in a desire to deny the Colonel’s position as a trigger for the deaths. Finally, Kate watched as Elizabeth lowered her head in concession. 

“Okay. I hope you’re wrong, but I suppose it makes sense to keep going with it.”

“I’ll see you back to the Gateroom,” said the Colonel.

“Actually, Colonel, Lieutenant Cadman was just about to request relief so she could fetch refreshments from the mess hall. Perhaps she could see Dr Weir back to her office?”

She saw a rush of relief on his face before it was replaced by an understandable anxiety; the two leaders were too close to not be a target for an enemy of the other. He glanced at Kate almost checking the suggestion in her face.

“Sounds a plan, Doc,” he said after a few moments consideration. “I’ll stay with you and get started on reviewing the names you’ve come up with so far. Cadman, see Dr Weir back to her office and then take a break.”

“Yes, sir,” replied the younger officer briskly. Picking up her weapon, Cadman gestured for Elizabeth to go through the door. With one last unhappy look between Kate and Sheppard, Elizabeth led the way out of the office. 

Kate watched as the Colonel slowly ambled up to her desk, the ease of movement not quite masking the tension in his body. He picked up one of the tablets from her desk, and started to scroll down the information.

“Thanks for that,” he said after a few moments, his eyes not leaving the screen.

“You’re welcome,” Kate replied simply. She bit her lip slightly as she considered her next words. “I could be wrong, you know, Colonel. Probably am.”

This time he raised his eyes to look at her. He smiled slightly at her attempt to reassure him. “You and I both know that you’re right.” He looked back at the tablet in his hand. “And right now knowing something that might stop this bastard is more important than trying to make me feel better.”

Kate considered pushing to discuss this further, before deciding the Colonel was right. Find the person first, deal with the fallout later.

She picked up the tablet she had been working on. “Even with this theory allowing us to tighten the referencing criteria, the list is still quite long.”

“I didn’t realise I’d pissed so many people off,” Sheppard said lightly. “Or that there were so many insane people around here.”

Kate smiled. “Well, you know what they say; there is a fine dividing line between genius and madness.” At the Colonel’s responding smile she continued, “Combine those sort of personalities with the stresses of this environment, you shouldn’t be surprised that maybe it’s harder to narrow down a list here than back on Earth.”

“I’m sure Dr Larsson would disagree with you,” Sheppard said tightly.

“Franklin Larsson?” Kate asked.

He shrugged his shoulders slightly. “Not sure. Why?”

“If it’s the person I think it is, then he’s good. I read several of his articles on profiling when I was doing my training.”

“Perhaps that’s why he likes your profile.”

“Really?”

Sheppard glanced up, a broader smile breaking out at her tone.

Kate busied herself with pushing her hair behind her ears, a slight blush on her face at her unexpected response to that news. “Hey, even I need some professional reassurance sometimes.”

“You’re the best around, Doc,” John said, returning to the tablet. “Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”

It was Kate’s turn to look at the Colonel in slight surprise. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know that he was never afraid to praise where it was warranted. Dealing with Rodney was obviously an enjoyed exception. Nor did she not feel valued by the Colonel for her skills and role, even if he continued to be a nightmare to get to sit down to a formal check up. But such certain praise despite some of the stuff that had passed between them surprised her. Perhaps she had helped more than she thought she had.

Kate forced herself to focus on the list on her tablet. Still so many names.

“You’re a fan of the gut instinct, Colonel. Any name leaping out at you?”

An exasperated burst of air came from his lips. He glanced at Kate’s list before returning to his own. 

“Most of these names... I barely know them, and the bulk of them only came with me on occasional offworld missions, usually as part of a much bigger team.” Another burst of exasperated air. “I don’t know where to start.”

Kate let go her own deep sigh. “Okay. So we go back to the beginning. We look at the other evidence. Try to do a match to the evidence rather than you.”

“Like?”

“Like who has the skills, not just to kill in the way they did, but to do what they needed to do to technology to do it without being seen.” 

“You said we were trying to narrow the list down.”

Kate smiled at the humour in his statement.

“Yeah, I know there are a lot of smart people in this city. But there are some biology specialists on this list, for example. Would they know what to do?”

Sheppard glanced at her, another slight smile appearing. “Can’t argue with the logic of that.” He settled down on one of her armchairs, pulling another chair next to him. “Come on then, Doc. Let’s see if we can get there before your profiling hero does.”

Kate smiled at the implied compliment before sitting down and starting to scroll through the list of the names again.


	6. Chapter 6

John stood up, stretched, and then turned to look at Heightmeyer as she gazed out of the window at the stars. She looked as tired as he felt, but at least they had finally got a workable list. Five names of people who had the smarts to deal with the technology and forensic issues, as well as the physical strength to kill in the way they had. None of them had exhibited any outward signs of distress, as Heightmeyer called it, but all had been one on one with a pretty horrific experience. Heightmeyer had read and re-read the psychological reports with a look on her face that he could relate to. He knew she was wondering if she or her team had missed something.

They had talked as they had read about psychology, something John wouldn’t have thought he would have much insight into. But a discussion about violence and killing probably came into his area of expertise. He accepted the theory that anyone could be driven to murder, but to kill in the way that he had observed now... there had to be a madness to that, and he found it hard to believe that there hadn’t been an underlying problem before. Something that his companion undoubtedly agreed with even when she too seemed to hold out hope for an explanation that was less about what a human was capable.

He had wondered as they had talked what allowed him to kill, what had made him different to the rest of his family who were happy to express their rivalries on the business field. He knew he had joined the air force so he could fly fast planes, but he sometimes found the way he had adapted to being a soldier in the guise of a pilot unnerving. He would tell himself that he killed to protect those he cared about, or those he had sworn to protect. And however much he told himself that he always tried to avoid killing those who threatened that group, he did do it without compunction.

He found it even easier out here to do that, which if he allowed himself to think about it too closely would scare the hell out of him. 

He glanced again at Heightmeyer. She could undoubtedly shed some light on these questions he had about himself, but then talking about it was even less appealing than thinking about it. She did seem to have an unnerving level of understanding of him and how he behaved. She never said anything directly, even in those annoying compulsory debriefs. But he sensed it, the irony being that it made him want to be even more difficult in talking to her. He took the line that others needed her more than he, which she tolerated to a certain level. But she never let him get away completely, even on the days when he would wonder why anyone would want him around and he was being completely stubborn.

She’d probably kept him sane.

He looked down at the tablet on the table with the five names. It seemed the same could not be said for one of them, though even as he thought that he knew he did an injustice to his companion and her team. There was some damage that could never be healed.

“You should probably head to the mess hall and get some food,” he said, his voice making the Doc start slightly.

She turned and looked at him. He gestured to the uneaten sandwiches Cadman had brought to the office a couple of hours ago.

“In which case so should you,” she replied.

He shook his head. “I need to talk to Elizabeth and our visitors about the names, and then get started on the interrogations. You’ve done your job, Doc.”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll come with you and explain. It is my theory.” 

John let go a slight blast of exasperation from his lips. “Fine. Then you get some food.”

“And then I observe the interrogations,” she replied calmly. 

John considered her for a moment. He wanted her to rest and to go back to being a medic not an investigator, though he wasn’t why that last bit was so important. But it made sense for her to be there at the interrogations.

“Fine,” he said again before reaching into one of the pockets in his vest. “Eat this though,” he continued as he handed her a food bar. 

She smiled as she took it off him. “Rodney supplies?” she asked.

He returned the smile. “Something like that,” he replied before picking up the tablet and gesturing for her to lead the way. He started to read the tablet again as they walked, the sound of Heightmeyer munching on the food bar in front of him strangely comforting. Somewhere in here was the answer, had to be. The interrogations would tell him what it was.

He felt a slight release of tension at the possible end coming in to sight. Maybe tonight he might get some sleep.

The munching had stopped in front of him to be replaced by the crinkle of a wrapper being tucked into a pocket. He found himself anticipating the high pitched notice of the Doc opening the transporter but he didn’t get it. Instead there was a definite and deep sigh. John lifted his head up. 

Heightmeyer gestured to the transporter door. “Never work when you least want to do the walk,” she said as she started to turn down the corridor stopping only when John rested his hand on her arm. Her eyes widened and John was momentarily distracted from the sharp sensation inside him by the realisation that she could read his worry so well.

“Here, Doc, can you carry this?” he asked, gesturing for her to take the tablet. With his hands free he paused before pulling his gun.

“Just a precaution,” he reassured the psychologist, gesturing for her to walk next to him.

“I’m all for precautions,” she replied with a slight smile which John returned whilst pretending to not notice how tight she was holding the tablet.

They walked on in silence. John considered making some small talk to calm the obviously nervous Heightmeyer before deciding hearing what might be coming would be more important. He could feel his insides tightening even as he silently tried to reassure himself that malfunctions happen. But he had been a soldier too long, and in Atlantis for long enough, to know when something wasn’t right. The killer wanted to send him messages. He had got the first four. He only hoped that this was a wrong call.

They turned the corner, another transporter in sight at the end of the corridor. He forced himself to keep an even pace, determined not to freak out Heightmeyer any more than was needed. But then he heard it, the slightest swish of sound. The hairs on the back of his neck responded instantly as his survival instinct kicked in. He cocked the gun and swung around to face the way they had come.

“Colonel?” 

Heightmeyer’s voice was admirably free of anxiety, though a quick glance at her told him how hard she was working at that. 

Responding to a slight gesture from him Heightmeyer started off back down the corridor, not running, but certainly with determination to reach the transporter door as soon as possible. Still facing the way they had come John picked up the pace to join her.

“Colonel!”

This time her voice was urgent. John swung his eyes from his guard on their retreat to the object of the Doc’s concern. Bulk head doors were closing between them and their means of escape. 

No other option. Dropping his gun to his side he ordered, “Run!”


	7. Chapter 7

Kate almost threw herself at the transporter control.

No response.

She could feel the panic rising and took a deep breath to try and keep herself under control. She turned to the Colonel expecting him to already be urging her on. Instead she found him turning slowly, pulling in information she knew she would only be half aware of. 

“Colonel?” she asked fighting the urge to start running again. She trusted him to know how to deal with the situation and she did not need to add to the complications. She took another deep breath, swallowing the slight ironic and nervous chuckle fighting to get out at her first hand experience of the fight or flight experience.

“Who knew we were working on the case in your office?” he asked finally turning to her.

“Lt Cadman, Rodney and Dr Weir probably the only ones who knew definitely,” she replied forcing herself to stay still. “But who knows who might have overheard radio messages, or comments. If they didn’t know we were in the office they could have guessed that from the fact they knew Laura brought us sandwiches for example.”

He nodded and finally started moving down the corridor. With relief Kate stepped in next to him. He didn’t run, but the pace was brisk making Kate wish she had spent more time in the gym.

“Three malfunctions in one place are possible here,” he said. “But way too much of a coincidence considering what we are investigating.”

“Agreed,” Kate replied forcing herself to focus on the problem rather than the sense that they were being watched. “Which means we are probably being targeted now.” She paused. “You are being targeted.”

The slight hesitation in his stride was almost unnoticeable but Kate couldn’t help but spot it. “The killer may now be acting outside his script.” The Colonel glanced at her, questions on his face. “Assuming he doesn’t know that we have the list on our tablet, he may just be responding to our visitors arriving, and moving the schedule he has planned up.”

“You think he has a schedule?” the Colonel asked, his brows furrowed as he worked through the implications of this. “I thought it seemed that the victims were random.”

“Maybe,” Kate replied, “but the pacing and the kills haven’t been. He may have been opportunistic, but there are rituals and timetables in all the other evidence. You as the final victim have been planned from moment one, but if he is moving now it is very opportunistic in the approach, tapping into systems, the chance of you being in a vulnerable area. I’m pretty sure it would have been more planned than that.”

“So, he’s panicking?”

Kate considered this simple summary. “I suppose so, yes.”

“Is that good or bad?” he asked, gesturing for her to slow down as they reached a turn in the corridor.

“It will make him less predictable,” Kate replied, feeling a shiver run down her spine at the thought of what that could mean.

“Bad then,” the Colonel replied, the sarcasm not completely gone despite the situation.

Kate paused as he made sure the way beyond the corner was clear. At his beckoning signal she made her way to his side again. They walked on in silence but Kate could see from his face that Sheppard was thinking his way through the situation.

“You said I was always going to be the final victim?” he asked after a few moments.

“Yes,” Kate replied carefully. “But in classic style he wants you to suffer first. Knowing you were the reason the others were killed... he knows that will affect you.”

“But he hasn’t gone after anyone I am close to.”

Kate considered this. “It could be because he couldn’t get close enough to them, or it might have been the plan to go after them next.”

“Which he now thinks he doesn’t have time for because the agents have arrived,” Sheppard replied finishing her thought.

“I would think so, yes.”

“I think I am insulted,” he replied. “He obviously didn’t think we could work this out by ourselves.”

Kate smiled at the slight joke. “Over confidence about your opponent is a symptom of this sort of person.”

They approached another corner and slowed again. Before he moved around the bend he stopped to look at her. “What about you? Where do you fit in his timetable?”

Kate was slightly surprised at the question. “Do you mean am I an intended victim?”

“Yeah, do you think he would consider you someone whose loss would affect me?”

Kate found herself confused at the conversation, strangely feeling an undercurrent to the words that she thought even the Colonel wasn’t completely aware of.

“I think,” she replied after a few moments, “that he would consider me a threat because of my skills. And because of your support of me in my work I think he would see me as someone you value.” She paused before continuing. “That is assuming he hasn’t hacked into your records and seen the number of cancelled appointments of course.”

The Colonel smiled at her gentle joke at his expense.

“When we get back to the Gateroom you are going to get your own protection detail,” he said.

“Colonel... “

“No arguments,” he replied firmly.

“I wasn’t about to,” Kate replied. “I was merely about to point out that I think I already have the best protection possible.”

The Colonel looked embarrassed at her praise before he replied, “Thank you, but it’s hard to do protection and be a potential victim.”

Kate shrugged. “You get me back to the Gateroom and *we* will work out how we are going to deal with this.”

“You mean IF you get back to the Gateroom, Doctor.”

Kate and John both started at the voice that suddenly echoed around them.

“The Colonel is far from infallible,” the voice continued. “Your confidence in him is misplaced. And I would have thought a psychologist of your calibre could have diagnosed a hero complex a long time ago.”

Kate glanced at her companion. If the words were having an effect then it was hard to see. 

“Have you not questioned why he has not contacted the Gateroom yet?” the voice asked. “Because he thinks he can do everything himself, save every person, be the hero.” The voice was starting to hint at the level of anger in its owner.

“So be it,” the voice continued. “You had better hope, Doctor, that your faith is not misplaced. Because he is about to be the only person between you and a painful death.”

With that the lights went out.


	8. Chapter 8

John almost choked on the anger desperately trying to force its way out of him. The soldier in him was managing to keep it at bay but the voice had hit nerves he didn’t want to admit were raw. Never mind the threats being aimed at the Doc; he hated the thought of any colleague being targeted but the medics were always a special group to him.

No time to think though. He had to get them to some place of safety.

“You okay, Doc?” he asked.

“Fine,” came back the determined reply.

“You know this route better than I do,” he started to say before remembering their audience. He reached out and found Heightmeyer. He gently tugged on her arm and she got the message. She moved in closer so he could whisper his question. “What’s the quickest route back to the centre of the city?”

“There’s a couple,” she replied quietly. “I often walk back to help me decompress after my sessions. I vary it depending on my mood.”

“How routine is that?”

Heightmeyer got what he was thinking straight away. “He probably knows all of them, even if he hasn’t spent time observing me and working out what route I take depending on the day.”

“Which one has the most different exits and entrances?” he asked trying a different tack.

Heightmeyer was quiet for a moment as she considered his question. “They are all pretty similar,” she eventually replied. “There is one that will take us nearer the outer corridor so we will at least have the light from the outer parts of the city and the moon.”

The obvious choice, John’s mind supplied. He looked around himself at the level of light available to them. Not much choice though unless they were going to use another route by touch and the low light of the tablet. He kicked himself mentally for not wearing a vest today. He would have had a torch then.

“Do you think they know what’s going on in the Gateroom?” Heightmeyer asked.

“Depends on how he’s masking what he’s doing,” he replied. “They may not notice anything until someone comes looking for their session with you.”

“Tomorrow you mean.” She paused. “And no way to contact the Gateroom.”

John felt his insides contract. The voice had been right on that point; he should have contacted them as soon as they found the first broken transporter, not that he thought he would have been able to. No way wouldn’t the person responsible for this have jammed their radios. At least he would have known straight away that their instincts were correct.

If Heightmeyer shared his thoughts over not trying to contact help straight away she didn’t show it. It was strange to be standing so close to her in the dark but it helped him sense how she was doing. Obviously scared but determined not to show it. 

“You’re right about needing the light,” he said after a few more moments. “But he knows that as well.”

“So he is sending us somewhere he wants us to go?”

“I would think so,” John replied.

She was quiet for a moment, her only action a glance at the tablet. The five names of people, one of whom could be somewhere now planning their deaths. John felt a lurch in his stomach at having dragged her into this before reminding himself that she was a professional, and she would never agree with his feelings over the situation.

“We should follow the obvious route,” she said softly. “I don’t know about you, Colonel, but I am curious to see what he might do next.”

Curious wasn’t exactly the word he would use but John could understand the sentiment and admire the courage.

He leant forward and said as quietly as he could, “Do not leave my side.” He felt rather than saw the nod in return, the slight swoosh of air obvious in his close proximity to the Doctor. She moved forward towards the wall, the low light from the tablet casting a ghostly glow towards the floor. Taking up a position close to her he raised his gun ready... well, he wasn’t sure what was coming but he knew two things.

The Doc would get through unharmed, and the voice wouldn’t.


	9. Chapter 9

The surface of the wall was smooth and cool under her touch, reassuring against the heat of her hands. Kate could feel her heart beating in her current heightened sense of all that was around her. She was surprised to find it steady and not racing as she thought it would be. Perhaps she was braver than she thought.

As she tried to concentrate on finding her route along the corridor she found her mind wandering to what the voice had said. She didn’t recognise it, though it had come through an obvious electronic disguise, but she found her mind analysing the words.

Hero complex. There was something in the anger around those words that made her consider what she thought she already knew about the person hunting them. They had presumed that the psychosis had been brought on by a personal experience of a trauma, but what if it had been about someone they cared about. What if the Colonel had failed to save someone that this person had loved?

Kate wracked her mind for information on who had coupled up. She didn’t get to hear a lot of the gossip; people seemed reluctant to share gossip with a psychologist, and none of the people on her list had been her direct patients. Of course it could be more complicated than an ill-fated love affair; there were other bonds that could tie as strongly. But that just widened the net up even further.

She felt a prickle along the back of the neck. She had the information in her, she knew she did. But it was lost in a melee of reports, analysis and fear. She took a deep breath to control the anxiety starting to pump through her, images from the previous murders flashing unbidden to her mind. She took another deep breath only realising it was audible when there was a quiet “Doc?” from behind her.

“Fine,” she replied firmly to the unspoken question. It was dark and she was scared, but there was no point in making the Colonel any more aware of that than he would already be. She trusted him to do what was needed. She tried to ignore the trickle of nerve down her back at the realistic understanding that he could fail. Unlike what their hunter seemed to think the Colonel was more than aware of what he had failed to do, the people he had failed to save. But it wouldn’t stop him trying everything to make sure they got back safe.

That she got back safe.

She felt a wash of unexpected guilt at the potential sacrifice he would choose to make for her life. It was his job she reminded herself, but for someone to give their life for another, a life that could save so many, it had a greater impact here for some reason. She wasn’t self effacing about her job; she knew what a valuable role she had. But a military leader with the instincts and the skills of the Colonel... that would be harder to replace.

She felt a rush of determination to do her current partner in danger justice and forced her mind back to the puzzle of the identity of the killer and their motivation. For this level of psychosis, assuming no previous obvious issues, there had to be a combination she decided. Yes, her instincts about the killer losing someone was right, she knew it. But there was something else, something over and above the shock of the loss.

Like seeing them die.

Her insides tightened. Perhaps seeing them die when they could have been saved. 

Perhaps seeing them die when the Colonel had had to make a call about the greater safety.

Her mind whirred. The answer was there, just off the edge of her memory, but it wouldn’t come to the fore.

She tried to force herself to relax, knowing that trying to force the information to the fore would only send it further back into her subconscious. But it was a fight. She was so close, but the frustration at not being able to pull the name to mind was ironically clouding her ability to do so.

This time it was an exasperated burst of breath escaping her lips and breaking the silence.

“Doc?”

Kate stopped and almost spun to face the Colonel.

“A mission with you. You had to leave someone behind, a civilian I think,” she whispered urgently. “Possibly one of the people on the list was there, but it could have been someone we dismissed.”

He didn’t ask what she had been thinking, his silent concentration obvious.

It seemed an age, but could have been only a matter of seconds when he replied, “PX1546.”

Kate felt the bits of the puzzle come into focus, the mission report almost visible in her mind’s eye.

“Dr Jones made a formal complaint against you,” she said slowly.

“He felt I took too big a risk trying to get all the native people out of the caves,” John replied as slowly. “Said that was the reason Dr Griffin died. Insisted it was my call that resulted in her dying.”

“Dr Griffin,” Kate gasped as the last piece of the puzzle clicked in. “Dr Jones’ twin sister.”

There was a pause from John. 

“Twin sister?”

“They didn’t want to be two Dr Jones so she used her mother’s surname.”

“I had no idea,” John replied. “He was angry, but I never knew exactly why... I thought they had just spent their career together.” He paused before saying softly, “She insisted I leave her there, said there would be enough time by her calculations to fetch her from the caves... that the injured should go first. I didn’t think there would be from the rate of rising water but I took her call. We had to have someone to try and keep the force field from collapsing. When we tried to go back I had to make the decision to leave.” He stopped again, a breath before the last admission. “I am pretty sure she knew she was going to die when she made the recommendation.”

Kate hesitated before being unable to stop herself resting a hand on his arm. “Many scientists and marines have had to make that same decision since we have arrived in this galaxy, Colonel. This was no different.”

“Except for the fact her twin brother was part of the mission, and hasn’t understood that.”

“This is a complex situation,” Kate replied. “This is more than trauma and grief.” She shook her head. “The twin relationship is a unique one, even non-identical twins as in this case.”

“So what do we do?”

Kate opened her mouth to reply before realising that although they had a good idea now of the motivation it didn’t get them out of this dark corridor and to safety.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But if you’re asking will I be able to talk him down if we find him... I wouldn’t count on it.”

“Physical force it is then,” John replied. 

Kate felt a wave of sadness run through her at this conclusion. The man currently herding them to whatever he had planned had killed before. But there was something in her that couldn’t quite let go of the power of words, regardless of the person she was about to face.

John seemed to sense her sadness. “We will only do what we have to. Nothing more,” he said gently. “But if it is a choice between him and you, then you come first every time.”

Kate patted his arm before turning to continue down the corridor. She took a deep breath, complex emotions welling inside her unexpectedly, perhaps at the thought that not only would the Colonel give his life for her, but would kill for her as well. She had never really considered this fact of a military presence before in detail. It was a strange addition to her general sense of unease.

She took another breath to shake her concentration back to the corridor. She could make out the turn to the outer corridor, and the desperately needed light. She tried to keep her pace steady, aware that a further trap could be sprung at any moment. But she could not help a slight increase in pace as the arc of light from the door ahead started to grow larger.

She found her eyes unexpectedly taking their time to adjust to the up and coming light. She felt slightly dazzled, in a way she wouldn’t have expected from the corridor lights ahead. 

Something was wrong. 

But that realisation happened too late. 

Before she could do anything with it she screamed with pain as a bullet tore into her.


	10. Chapter 10

John let instinct drive him as he dragged Heightmeyer passed the doors leading into the outer corridor, shooting out the control panel once they were on the other side. Part of him knew that was far from a guarantee of safety but instinct and training demanded that he sealed the way behind them so he did. Only once he registered that he had used two bullets out of their precious arsenal did he realise the shock that had washed over him at the shooting.

That, though, was nothing to the shock that the Doc was in. He had managed to get her seated against the wall, her hands clasped over where the bullet had hit the top of her leg. John felt bile rise at the way the blood was oozing through her fingers, the red streak from beyond the door highlighting the path they had taken.

This wasn’t meant to happen.

None of this was meant to happen.

John pulled his jacket off, ripping one of the arms into the closest he could get to bandages. Gently pushing her hands away from the wound he tied one strip around as tight as he could. He felt for an exit wound but found none. Trying to ignore the possible implications of that he packed the wound and tied off the first aid the best he could.

He lifted his head up to look at Heightmeyer. She still hadn’t said anything, her face as white as he had ever seen it.

“Doc?”

Her eyes came to his, but didn’t seem to completely register him.

John tried to think of something comforting to say. He nervously licked his lips before trying, “I know it hurts, but you will be fine.”

She shook her head, and for a moment he thought she was going to disagree with him. Instead she pushed him away from her. John felt a sharp emotional pain before realising that the Doc merely needed him to move. She leant over to one side before letting go of a sharp heave, her stomach contents arriving on the floor. When she had heaved a few more times she finally sat back against the wall again.

“It’s just the shock,” John said in another attempt to comfort his companion.

She responded this time with a slight nod, before managing, “Good thing I didn’t make it to those sandwiches.”

John smiled at the response, reassured despite the rasp to her voice. 

She leant her head back against the wall, her eyes closing before commenting, “Fuck, that hurt.”

John blinked slightly at the language. She was a grown woman. It shouldn’t surprise him. But Heightmeyer was normally so composed, so reserved, that he would take a sizeable bet that it would be as hard to get her to drop her barriers as it would be to get him to do so.

He stood up and took in their current situation, checking his gun as he forced his mind back to the person chasing them. He glanced back at the Doc, pleased to see her breathing was calming. The shooter was behind that locked door, or making their way round to the other end of this corridor. Either way they couldn’t stay here long.

“We are going to have to move soon,” he said, crouching down in front of her.

“This was just the first volley, literally,” Heightmeyer replied, her eyes opening.

John met her gaze. “I know.”

“The plan wasn’t to kill me.”

“I know,” John replied as gently as he could, feeling a slight impatience though. “This puts us on the offensive, slows us down, and makes it harder for me to protect you.”

Kate’s look at his response told him that she had sensed in his tone the impatience he was feeling. Forcing it further down inside of him he asked, “Are you able to move?”

She nodded and moved to try and lift herself up. John crouched at her side, his arm slipping under hers, and together they got to their feet. Holding her steady for a few moments so she could find her balance John then set as fast a pace off up the corridor as he thought she could handle.

As they ran, half hobbled, up the corridor John tried to turn his mind to the killer following them. How could even a decision for the greater good come to this sort of outcome? Sometimes, when he couldn’t sleep, he would relive the first few days in Pegasus, trying to see if he could have made a different decision to force a different outcome. If McKay could make a time machine would he go back and change the calls he made? Most of the time he couldn’t decide yes or no to that one. Occasionally he would decide that the only solution would be to go back and stop himself coming here. That maybe if he took himself out of the equation some of the disasters that had befallen this expedition, and the native people of Pegasus, would never have happened. 

He knew his friends and colleagues would never agree with this assessment. They would point out that he had saved as many as he had lost. So why did it keep coming back to him to save the day, to make the sacrifice. If that wasn’t karma coming to bite him on the ass he didn’t know what was.

The Doc’s breathing was heavy as he tried to speed them up towards the end of the corridor. He knew he should slow down but he couldn’t risk it. They had already been caught by surprise once, and there was every chance their genius pursuer was planning something else at this end as well. He tried to think of an alternative, any alternative, to just heading to where the killer wanted them to go. But he couldn’t think of anything. They couldn’t go back, they couldn’t stay where they were and they were putting themselves into unknown danger by heading forward. He paused in his consideration of the options. Perhaps they should just stay put. Let someone else work it out and come to the rescue for once.

But that wasn’t his way.

He slowed their move up the corridor as he sighted the door at the end. There were no obvious places to hide, but that didn’t mean something wasn’t waiting for them. Even if Jones had had to speed his timetable up John had no doubt he had acted within a plan, perhaps something he had set up a while ago.

“What’s wrong, Sheppard? Nowhere to hide?”

The return of the electronic voice made John jump. Keeping his voice steady though he replied, “There is no need for any of this, Jones. Your argument is with me. Let Heightmeyer get to safety.” He found himself looking around for some evidence of the person with the voice, noting with interest that there was no immediate reply.

After a few more moments of silence Jones replied, “So, you’ve worked it out. Or Heightmeyer has. I don’t believe the death of my sister would have registered with you.”

“Of course it did,” John replied, just about holding back the desire to snap and show his frustration. “Of course I remember a woman who insisted on making sure innocent people were safe.”

“So, you don’t think my sister was innocent? Worthy of saving?”

“That wasn’t what I meant,” John replied, glancing at Heightmeyer. She must have seen the plea in his look as she stepped in to the conversation.

“Dr Jones, we are not dismissing your sister’s sacrifice. Her bravery was outstanding,” she said gently. “But I would question your assumptions about the Colonel.” Heightmeyer shifted against him as she tried to stand more independently. “The Colonel does know all about the lives that are lost, the sacrifices that are made. I see it in his eyes, in the effort it is to keep emotions at bay when he is in his debrief sessions with me.” She paused before continuing, “I know we have not met properly, but I hope you can believe me when I say the Colonel is a good man who feels every death and pays a price for all of them.”

“Then why doesn’t he stop the killing?” demanded Jones.

Before Heightmeyer could step in John felt something inside him snap, defiantly stating. “I’m trying!”

He knew as soon as he said it he had made a mistake, the look of alarm from Heightmeyer only confirming it.

“Well, for Heightmeyer’s sake I hope you try harder,” Jones replied after moment, his voice, even through the electronic disguise, eerily calm.

John felt his stomach sink, and braced himself for the killer’s next move, still not expecting the floor to open beneath them when it did.


	11. Chapter 11

The pain flooded through Kate’s body as she hit the ground. Her body felt like it was on fire, her breath torn from her by the impact. She had no sense of which way was up and which was down, even as she groped with her hands to push herself upwards. Through the buzzing in her ears she heard the Colonel call for her. Again his voice, louder and then hands on her arms. She shook him off and then with an anger fuelled by the pain she yelled, “What the fuck did you do that for?”

Her eyes managed to open to the sight of a slightly stunned Colonel. The surprise only lasted for a moment before his own temper flashed in the tightly controlled “I lost my temper, Doctor. Something you might know about.”

Kate let her head fall back as she attempted to get herself back under control. She knew she should ask for help to move properly but didn’t want to, and she was sure the Colonel wasn’t about to offer after her outburst. Pulling herself up slowly she managed to find the wall behind her. She leant back and took a few cleansing breaths before forcing her eyes open again. The Colonel was pacing slightly in front of her, checking his gun as he moved. She felt a rush of guilt at the sight of Sheppard still on duty despite her slight meltdown.

Taking another breath to still her emotions slightly she said, “Colonel?” When he glanced at her she continued, “I’m sorry for what I said.” He glanced at her again.

“Don’t worry about it, Doc,” he replied but Kate didn’t relax. His tone told her something different to his words, as did the way he gripped his gun, and refused to let his eyes rest on her. His next words confirmed that to Kate that he was far from okay with her. “I’ll find a way out of this mess.”

Kate felt her temper start to rise again. One outburst from her and she was suddenly of no use to him? She wasn’t having that. 

“You mean ‘we’ll’ find a way out,” she said firmly.

He turned to look at her for a moment. “With all due respect, Doc, I think this one rests with me.”

“Why?” Kate demanded. Her body throbbed, and her head ached, but there was something in Sheppard’s words and demeanour that told her this was more than their current situation. Either way she was not having him think he had to play white knight to a useless princess.

“Because you’re injured and you’re a civilian. It’s my job to protect you. End of story.”

Kate considered his words. Despite the situation Kate felt a shift in her as she recognised emotions inside the Colonel start to boil over in a way that he would never allow in a normal situation. 

“Why does everything rest with you and only you?”

He turned to face her and she leapt on before he had a chance to respond. “I don’t think you have a hero complex, Colonel, but you do tend to take everything onto your shoulders.”

“And who else do I lean on?” he demanded, his eyes flashing despite his seemingly calm response. “I am the military commander, I have the strongest ancient gene, the senior team. Who the hell else can take things on?”

“There are other teams, Colonel,” Kate replied carefully. “Many of whom have as much experience as yours. You do not need to do this all by yourself.”

Sheppard started to pace, shaking his head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Then explain it, Colonel,” Kate snapped, her patience breaking. “Tell me why you’re the only one who can save the day.”

“Because no-one else woke the Wraith up!” he yelled, his control finally gone. “And I keep trying to make it better, but nothing works. Do you know how lonely that is?”

Kate watched as he desperately tried to reassert control over himself. The outburst... how she had worked, tried to nudge some acknowledgement of the guilt he carried over the events from when they had first arrived in this galaxy. The pain in his words were almost overwhelming.

She took a breath to still her own emotions, wrestling herself behind a therapist’s calm. “You’re not alone, Colonel,” she replied gently. 

Sheppard replied with a slight disbelieving laugh.

“I’m here,” Kate said simply. “I would never leave you alone to deal with all of this. You just need to trust me.”

Sheppard turned to look at her, and for a moment Kate wondered if her declaration of fidelity would be dismissed in a fit of cynicism and guilt. But instead there was a look of open vulnerability, which he would have never let slip under other circumstances, and Kate realised how much her words meant, how much he has needed to hear someone openly declare that they will stand with him, that they understand.

There was a breath’s more silence before he slumped to the floor next to her, head against the wall. 

“Jesus, Kate. What the hell am I doing here?”

“Your job,” Kate replied simply.

Sheppard snorted at her answer. “Not exactly what I signed up for.”

“You mean you didn’t join the air force to fly amazing machines and protect the vulnerable?” She kept her tone light.

“I thought you had me down as rebelling against my father,” Sheppard replied, a ghost of a smile on his face.

“Oh, that too.”

Sheppard snorted his entertainment at her response again before stating “O’Neill tricked me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”

“True,” Kate acknowledged. “But I think he would consider it motivation rather than trickery.” Another burst of controlled laughter came from the Colonel before she challenged quietly, “You didn’t have to say yes, you know, but you knew an escape route when you saw it.”

Sheppard looked at her in surprise. “I can recognise the signs, Colonel. Don’t think you’re the only person running away from things they couldn’t change back on Earth,” Kate said softly.

Sheppard considered her. “And what do shrinks run away from?”

Kate returned his gaze. “Even we don’t know what to do with our pain all the time,” she replied simply, hoping the Colonel was his usual astute self and realise she couldn’t say anything more. Not here. Not yet.

Sheppard continued to watch her, as if working out a response before dropping his gaze and turning to look away up the corridor.

“We need to get out of here, though I don’t know which, if any route, is safe from Jones.” He turned back to her. “You up to walking?”

“Of course,” Kate replied with more confidence than she felt. “What’s the plan?”

“Don’t have one,” Sheppard confessed. “That’s usually Rodney’s area.”

It was Kate’s turn to snort a laugh at the response. Sheppard grinned at her reaction. “It’s true. I’m more of a dive in and see what happens type of guy.” He stood up, checking the corridor and his gun again, before turning back to her and offering his hands to help her up. Once certain she was steady he considered his options again. “Could do with him being here right now.”

“Thank goodness for doctor-patient confidentiality,” Kate commented lightly. “I’m sure you wouldn’t want him to hear that comment.”

Sheppard narrowed his eyes at her, grinning at the innocent look she returned. “In his absence, “she continued, “you will just have to make do with me.”

Sheppard’s eyes widened at her response before stepping back and indicating the corridor. “Okay, doc. Which way?”

Kate considered the two directions before turning decisively right. “I’m sure whichever way we choose Jones is following,” she said. “But this leads to the centre.”

“How do you know?” Sheppard asked, stepping in to slow step next to her.

“Just do,” she replied.

“Female intuition?” Sheppard teased.

“Nope, orienteering champion in high school.”

Sheppard sounded disbelieving of her response as he responded, “But you need maps and compasses and lots of trees in orienteering.”

“And a really good sense of direction,” Kate insisted. She picked up her speed to a fast hobble. “Come on, Colonel, try and keep up.”

Kate tried to ignore the fact that he did so just by lengthening his stride. She did let herself acknowledge the way the personal space between them had closed. For protection, she knew. But also partnership as well. The Colonel trusted her to do this.

She wouldn’t let him down.


End file.
